SCENE
1
Exterior,
mid afternoon, any season
CA:
dolly shot as tristan walks actoss campus.
Open
scene: a young man Is walking towards a building he is flipping
through a packet of papers.
Zooming
out, slipping behind him
he
walks into the building, walking past a desk and up to a section of
the library. He wanders through slowly, picking up books at random,
perusing them making a negative gesture or sound and continues on.
SCENE
2
After
a while of this, he is approached by a young woman. She is carrying a
few books
Librarian:
something I can help you with?
Tristan:
yeah, I am looking for a book…
Librarian:
you are in luck, we have those here
Tristan:
it’s for a paper I am writing on isolated cults.
Librarian:
who's the professor?
Tristan:
Chioldi
Librarian:
ah, the old ball-breaker himself
tristan:
yep, one week to get the first draft turned in, start to finish.
Librarian:
you have anything in mind.
Tristan:
not really
Librarian:
how do druids sound?
Tristan:
doesn’t feel quite right.
Librarian:
voodoo?
Tristan:
a bit closer, but no.
Librarian:
hmmm… follow me.
SCENE
3
CA:
series of static and tracking shots as tristan and the librarian
walks through the library. Must have a slightly voyeuristic feel to
the tracking shots, while the static shots should highlight the
emptyness of the library.
They
walk away with the librarian quickly leading the way and Tristan
keeping up. After a few shelves, she stops, back pedals a few steps
and pulls a manuscript from the shelf and reluctantly hands it to Tristan.
Librarian:
this just came in a few days ago. It is from an alum, he took a
position up at miskatonic.
Tristan:
… thanks…
SCENE
4
Side
shot
He
walks over to a table, sits down and starts flipping through the
manuscript
Frequent
cuts to a pan up shot from behind Tristan that angles down staring at
his shoulder.
he
turns another page and starts to lean forward
SCENE
5
zoom
shot on page
switch
back to side shot
back
to zoom shot
side
shot
zoom
shot
zoom
in on his eyes
rumbling
sounds, screams, and running footsteps in background
eye
zoom
he
closes his eyes
Over
the shoulder shot
The
librarians hand taps him on the shoulder, and he jumps.
Side
shot
Librarian:
we have to close now
Tristan:
yeah… sure…
Librarian:
you get everything you need?
Tristan:
not sure, can I take this with me?
Librarian:
not that one, but it will still be here tomorrow
Tristan
inspects the manuscript one final time, then hands it over
SCENE
6
Sequence
of shots of Tristan walking back through the library and out the
door. It is night time now and we follow him a short distance, then
pan up for a shot of the stars.
SCENE
7
Slow
motion(3/4’s time)sequence
Tristan
washes his face, camera angle switching from close up of water
running, to close up of tristan splashing the water on his face, to
an over the shoulder shot of Tristan standing upright. Transition to
shots of Tristan walking across a room to a bed, and laying down.
Close up of his face as Tristan drifts off, juxtapose with flash of
elder sign.
SCENE
8
Tristan
is in different clothes, and is looking strained.
Tristan
is walking into the library with hir papers under hir arm. he walks
up to the desk where the librarian from the previous day is sitting.
Tristan:
do you still have that manuscript that I was looking at yesterday?
Librarian:
<doesn’t look up from what she’s doing> it’s been
reshelved. We found out that Dr. Mournstien died, and until we
receive the rest of the document it is in the rare books section.
Tristan:
and I take it I'm not allowed to read it again
Librarian:
I can give you a couple of hours
SCENE
9
Tristan
is walking through the shelves and halls quickly, after a travel
sequence, he arrives at the shelve and pulls out the book hurriedly,
knocking a few of the surrounding books to the floor.
he
kneels over, sets the manuscript next to him and gathers the strewn
books. he places the books on the shelve haphazardly, and walks away
and around the corner
SCENE
10
TRAVEL
SEQUENCE FOLLOWING HIM FROM DEEP IN THE LIBRARY TO A TABLE (SHOOT
LIKE A SEQUENCE OF WALKING THROUGH DEEP WOODS)
He
sits down at the table and starts to thumb through the manuscript.
SCENE
11
Another
close up sequence ending with and extreme closeup of his eye, and yet
again juxtapose with the elder sign.
Cut
to
SCENE
12
layer
with nightmare room sequence
A
dingy room with Tristan sitting against the wall. he is wearing
ragged clothes. Tristan looks worried. Tristan stands up and walks
over to the sink. Tristan washes hir hands, and looks into the
mirror.
Close
up on his face, pan over to look at the mirror, pan back to tristan’s
face
Tristan
looks relieved.
Cut
to
SCENE
13
Tristan
is sitting at the previous table, looking intently at the manuscript.
The librarian taps him on the shoulder, and he jumps.
Librarian:
we’re closing up; you gotta go.
Tristan:
okay… are you sure I can’t take this?
Librarian:
sorry, it is a one of a kind manuscript, and a fragment at that.
Close
up of the librarian taking the manuscript from hir hands. Hir grip
lingers too long of comfort, but finally lets the librarian take it.
The
librarian walks away, and Tristan gathers his things.
SCENE
14
FAMILIAR
ROUTE OUT!
he
stops at the exit, closes his eyes and pushes through the door.
Cut
to
SCENE
15
Tristan
walking into the library in the tattered clothing from scene 12.
Zoom
out, pan down, fade out
End
episode.
I liked it. I'm not as familiar with manuscripts in this format as with other forms of writing(novel and short story formats) but I believe I interpreted all the queues at least in the general sense if I wasn't on the ball exactly.
ReplyDeleteA plethora of grammatical errors but I can see from the layout that's tertiary in importance at best.
Scenes 1-7 are good, well-paced. I visualize the setting really well
Scene 8 I get hung up on how the librarian is supposed to be acting. Is she aloof now? Reluctant to bring him back to the manuscript?
Scene 12 the prompt confuses me: Where's the details for the nightmare room sequence?
Scenes 11-15 the pacing speeds up. That much I can tell. It seems 11 is say: day 2, 12 is night 2, 13 day 3?, 14 night 3, 15, day 3 meaning he hasn't changed his clothes in 2 days.
If I'm missing anything. Let me know. Like I said, this isn't my forte style of writing. It is interesting though, and I could feel the tension building from 5 when he first is reluctant to part with it.
Feel free to enlighten me if I'm critiquing anything that is the norm. Otherwise I enjoyed it.
I'll be back.
-Ed
i guess i should have put a disclaimer up about the grammar. when i get into script mode, i am about as grammatically correct as a drunken irishman in a brothel.
ReplyDeleteglad that i got the pacing going in an enjoyable direction. i probably should go in and make it clear that the librarian is distracted, although why does come up later.
yeah, hygiene went out the window when the obsession came in. it seemed like a reasonable way to subtly show that he was immediately affected.
thanks for all of your feedback.